As promised here is the first post of my new section dedicated to femininity. I decided to open it because I love being a woman but at the same time I can say that I am still in search of my own femininity. For me we are not born women but we learn becoming it. I hope this section will be a place where each of you can also tell me about your own experiences so that we can dialogue and maybe help eachother growing as women. As for the name of the section I decided to call it "Le Petit Salon" to tribute the litterary and philosophical salons of the XVIIth and XVIIIth centuries that favoured the developing of the Enlightment. Some of them being organized by witty and intelligent women I couldn't think of a better name for a section dedicated to femininity. I will publish in this section on Wednesday but only when I feel it.
On a previous post, I told you how much being a model influenced the perception I have of my own femininity. Before I start modelling I was conscious I was a girl. You know that I had the XX chromosomes differentiating me from my male fellows because of my vagina and my chest. All this to say that I definitely knew about my gender but I didn't have a clue about what being a woman meant.
It was definitely photography that made me start my journey towards my femininity, therefore the following picture :
This photograph is part of my very first shooting. I was 20 or 21 at that time, so quite late to start wondering about myself as a woman I guess. While I think this, my opinion also goes towards the thought that it wasn't that late. When the photographer showed me the picture I was totally surprised by myself because I have no clue that I could actually look like that. It was the first time I found myself appealing. Though this thought of mine certainly has to do with a part of me being narcissistic (seriously who isn't ?) I believe when a woman finds herself appealing it is a strength. If you know you are appealing you will start getting more confident and feel more comfortable. To me it is not a matter of seducing others but definitely learning to see positivity in myself and feel more secure. And photography really helped me in that way.
But I must confess that at the beginning it was really hard for me not becoming a total narcissist. Hey ! when people find you are worth being photographed I can assure you that your ego can be comparable to the one of a certain Kanye West. I figured out it happened only when what I considered in my pictures was my appearance. Once I started asking myself if I really wanted to do a shooting, if it was necessery for me posing nude (and if it was the case which type of nude I would do), about what people will think seeing these pictures (because here opinion DOES count) or what kind of woman I wanted to embody, then and only then my narcissim would disappear. To me the simple fact of asking yourself if something is good or wrong for you means maturing. In this case in particular it meant I was growing up both as a model AND a woman.
When asked why I started modelling, I often answer that it was to become more confident, have a better vision of myself. See, when I first saw the picture on the top, I said I found myself appealing NOT beautiful. At that time I certainly linked my appeal to my appearance, I mean I did thought I was freakin' beautiful ! But thinking of it now, I believe that I wasn't able to gather my thoughts correctly so that I could define exactly my actual feelings. Nonetheless using the adjective "appealing" instead of "beautiful" meant I had a hint that I was seeing more than my appearance in this photograph. I perceived that in this particular picture (because seriously there are pictures in which my appeal is inexistent) I had something that made me special, you know this je ne sais quoi. See, I don't believe that having some appeal, charm or glamour, call it whatever you think it is, does necessarly have to do with beauty. Today fashion magazines and the society want us to believe that beauty and glamour go hand in hand. Indeed how many times do you hear during the Festival of Cannes that an actress is glamorous to point out that she is beautifully dressed ? To illustrate my thought here is an example, I don't find Lou Doillon beautiful but she definitely has that something special making her appealing in my eyes and yet I can't seem to put it in words, she doesn't have to wear a designer gown and being at Cannes for me to find her glamorous.
All this to say that my modelling helped me shifting my concentration on my appearance towards what made me special, my appeal. This is my own experience but let me ask you : do you think that to be able to see our own appeal, us, women have first to focus on our appearance ?
Editor's note : Writing this article was like hell to me, being in labour (though I never experienced it yet..) so if you find it confused, unclear let me know. I am well aware that opening this new section with such a subject is tough that is why I want to have your opinion about it so that I can improve it.
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| Photographer : Philippe Chénau |
This photograph is part of my very first shooting. I was 20 or 21 at that time, so quite late to start wondering about myself as a woman I guess. While I think this, my opinion also goes towards the thought that it wasn't that late. When the photographer showed me the picture I was totally surprised by myself because I have no clue that I could actually look like that. It was the first time I found myself appealing. Though this thought of mine certainly has to do with a part of me being narcissistic (seriously who isn't ?) I believe when a woman finds herself appealing it is a strength. If you know you are appealing you will start getting more confident and feel more comfortable. To me it is not a matter of seducing others but definitely learning to see positivity in myself and feel more secure. And photography really helped me in that way.
But I must confess that at the beginning it was really hard for me not becoming a total narcissist. Hey ! when people find you are worth being photographed I can assure you that your ego can be comparable to the one of a certain Kanye West. I figured out it happened only when what I considered in my pictures was my appearance. Once I started asking myself if I really wanted to do a shooting, if it was necessery for me posing nude (and if it was the case which type of nude I would do), about what people will think seeing these pictures (because here opinion DOES count) or what kind of woman I wanted to embody, then and only then my narcissim would disappear. To me the simple fact of asking yourself if something is good or wrong for you means maturing. In this case in particular it meant I was growing up both as a model AND a woman.
When asked why I started modelling, I often answer that it was to become more confident, have a better vision of myself. See, when I first saw the picture on the top, I said I found myself appealing NOT beautiful. At that time I certainly linked my appeal to my appearance, I mean I did thought I was freakin' beautiful ! But thinking of it now, I believe that I wasn't able to gather my thoughts correctly so that I could define exactly my actual feelings. Nonetheless using the adjective "appealing" instead of "beautiful" meant I had a hint that I was seeing more than my appearance in this photograph. I perceived that in this particular picture (because seriously there are pictures in which my appeal is inexistent) I had something that made me special, you know this je ne sais quoi. See, I don't believe that having some appeal, charm or glamour, call it whatever you think it is, does necessarly have to do with beauty. Today fashion magazines and the society want us to believe that beauty and glamour go hand in hand. Indeed how many times do you hear during the Festival of Cannes that an actress is glamorous to point out that she is beautifully dressed ? To illustrate my thought here is an example, I don't find Lou Doillon beautiful but she definitely has that something special making her appealing in my eyes and yet I can't seem to put it in words, she doesn't have to wear a designer gown and being at Cannes for me to find her glamorous.
All this to say that my modelling helped me shifting my concentration on my appearance towards what made me special, my appeal. This is my own experience but let me ask you : do you think that to be able to see our own appeal, us, women have first to focus on our appearance ?
Editor's note : Writing this article was like hell to me, being in labour (though I never experienced it yet..) so if you find it confused, unclear let me know. I am well aware that opening this new section with such a subject is tough that is why I want to have your opinion about it so that I can improve it.
Whoa.
ReplyDeleteAWESOME post.
Obviously I'd be narcissistic too, if I looked like you. So no shame.
I think this distinction between beauty and appeal is an interesting one. I wish that the definition of "Beauty" encompassed "appeal", so that "beauty" would refer to the whole self, rather than the surface one - but I see now that it typically does not.
The one thing that blogging, and reading blogs, has taught me, is that appeal, and allure, and attraction, has very little to do with physical appearance, and EVERYTHING to do with confidence, poise and composure. The way that we carry ourselves and interact with others can work miracles.
I, too, struggle with embracing my own femininity, but I'm definitely working on it. Usually it's in an ironic sense, but I hope to one day be comfortable with myself as woman, and not just a "nerd" ;)
Really got me thinking. Great writing. Great post.
-Gabrielle
Oh Gabrielle,
Deletereally your comment is precious ! As I said before it took me ages to produce this post because it is actually difficult to speak about my femininity while trying to reach out to people.
You expressed really well the dilemma existing between beauty and appeal. People always say that it is our inner beauty that counts when it is not true. I mean when meeting a person for the first time what we see first is a face, a smile, a body, eyes certainly not her soul. And it is in function of the appearance of this person that we start having an opinion about her. I think it would be correct to say that what we call inner beauty is actually our appeal. I think that there's no barrier between appeal and appearance (eventhough I just said something different in post..). I think that both are merging at a certain point. The only thing is that if you focus too much on your appearance, I believe your appeal will disappear, you will seem unnatural. But I also believe that it is hard finding the right balance considering the society we are living in.
Hope I've been clear here..sometimes I just have the feeling that I don't express myself in a clear way.
Blogging has definitely opened up doors and enabled people to reflect on appearance and value the women on their confidence, poise and composure. On this I totally agree with you and that is exactly why I love blogging so much.
On your blog I like your ironic approach on yourself, sometimes there's no need in taking ourselves so seriously. I definitely think that blogging and taking pictures of you is already helping you embracing your own femininity but it is just that you haven't realized yet ;).
Happy to make you think :D.
See you,
Shug
"if you focus too much on your appearance, I believe your appeal will disappear,"
DeleteYES.
I like your blog and your posts are quite insightful but while blogging try and watch your spelling. Spelling and grammar ( I amnt good at grammar but still) is quite vital for blogging it is the writing perspective; the substance of the blog.
ReplyDeleteHello Riri,
DeleteThank you for your piece of advice. Maybe it doesn't show but I really pay attention to my spelling and grammar though english is not my mothertongue. I try to read as much as possible in english but being French and living in Italy I am pretty aware that I make mistakes because it is not easy to focus only on one language when in my situation. I re-read my posts each time before publishing them but it can happen that I don't see my own mistakes.
I know that I tend to make my sentences too long, because in French our sentences are long, but I was told by a friend that in english they don't need to be that long. I also know that my punctuation is not good. So yes I am well aware I need to improve hence my question : where did I make mistakes in this post, can you tell me please ?