I usually don't write about blogging though I really enjoy reading about it, but I thought I should give it a try, for once, after noticing that some bloggers had difficulties in creating a sincere bond with their fellows, so I hope this post will be helpful !
If you are a fashion blogger, you are likely to be familiar with Independent Fashion Bloggers (IFB). And if you are part of its community, you are likely to receive this type of messages by your fellows :
" Hi there!
I’m XX and I’m still relatively new to the blogging world (or not, editor's note). My blog is about this and that. If you get a chance I would love if you could check it out and feel free to follow if it interests you! Don’t forget to comment if you like what you read 
!
!My links are:
http://XX.com
http://www.bloglovin.com/en/blog/XX
http://pinterest.com/XX/
http://twitter.com/XX
It would be a pleasure to check out your blog as well, so don’t hesitate to send me your links!
P.S. – For more updates about my posts and exciting fashion news, hit the like button on my Facebook page (http://facebook.com/XX)
Have a nice day!
Love,
XX. "
Each time I am receiving this kind of message my machiavelic alter ego, Miss Criticona *, is always right on the corner. And while Shug is understanding, Miss Criticona is not. Shug thinks that every blogger wants his/her space to be visited, commented and getting popular which is normal when you spend time creating content. As a blogger herself she is aware that blogging is a HUGE time consuming activity. On the other side Miss Criticona thinks that the fact every blogger wants their blog to be noticed is self-centered because what they want is to get the attention of the people on them. On this point me, Shug, agrees with my machiavelic alter ego.
XX. "
Each time I am receiving this kind of message my machiavelic alter ego, Miss Criticona *, is always right on the corner. And while Shug is understanding, Miss Criticona is not. Shug thinks that every blogger wants his/her space to be visited, commented and getting popular which is normal when you spend time creating content. As a blogger herself she is aware that blogging is a HUGE time consuming activity. On the other side Miss Criticona thinks that the fact every blogger wants their blog to be noticed is self-centered because what they want is to get the attention of the people on them. On this point me, Shug, agrees with my machiavelic alter ego.
A few weeks ago I read a post written on IFB entitled 10 Quick + Easy Ways to Jump into the Blogging Community. This article was giving advices to bloggers on how to bond with eachother, in other words how to become part of the blogging community. Though I totally agree with everything written, I couldn't help but comment on one fact : bloggers sending mail similar to the one above to their fellows.
I am not blaming the bloggers who sent me these kind of mails, but just want to help them out to be part of the blogging community. As much as my fellows I want my blog to be read by more and more people, in brief I am just as self-centered as them. This I admit. BUT I also know that to get people interested in my blog I also have to show interest in theirs. So if you send me a message in the likes of the example I put above, I will visit your blog, this because I am curious, but I will certainly NOT become a reader of you. Why ? Because you didn't show ANY interest in my blog first.
 |
| I could have put a picture of Les Giblin, but sincerely after discovering how he really looked like, I thought Machiavelli looked way better and fitted perfectly this post. * |
Me, cunning ? I don't think so..ok...I am just a tiny little bit! But read carefully the following excerpt from Les Giblin book, Skill With People, and you will realize that I am not as evil as you thought :
"The first step in increasing your skill in dealing with people (successful human relations) is to properly understand people and their nature.
When you have a proper understanding of human nature and people - when you know why people do the things that they do - when you know why and how people will react under certain conditions - then and only then can you become a skillful manager of people.
Understanding people and human nature simply involves recognizing people for what they are - not what you think they are nor what you want them to be.
What are they?
PEOPLE ARE PRIMARILY INTERESTED IN THEMSELVES, NOT IN YOU!
Putting this same thought another way - the other person is ten thousand times more interested in himself than he is in you.
And vice versa! You are more interested in yourself than you are in any other person in the world."
All this to say : when reaching out to other bloggers, think first would you rather gain a real follower (and friend) by showing your interest towards the person (read : READ THEIR BLOG BEFOREHAND FOR GOD'S SAKE !) OR have someone visiting your blog once and ignored it totally after ?
ps * : it's the nickname my flatmates gave me because they love my sharp tongue.
ps** : The reality is that I wanted to brag about my degree in italian literature.
Miss Criticona is such a cool name !! :P
ReplyDeleteAnd Shug... you could have said the whole thing simply too... but the fact that you chose an excerpt from literature to drive your point home is really intriguing as it shows the depth of your thoughts. I am impressed !
And as far as your point of view is concerned... I will have to agree. Plus confess guilty to sending out similar messages in the very start. But I figured it was not working for me and not bringing me readers that maybe interested in my blog genuinely. I go for blog hunting instead now... Since there are millions of bloggers out there, you are sure to find someone who matches your frequency and interests you too. So I try to find those blogs out there, leave a meaningful comment (I hate follow eachother comments) and invite them back to check out my blog too.
And P.S. I have replied to your question about the significance of cotton in India, back at my blog :)
Swati @ The Creative Bent
Ahaha thank you ;) !
DeleteYou know I also thought that I could have said it in a simpler way but I just couldn't..still don't know if it is a weakness or a strength though ;) !
Les Giblin's book was a best seller when it was published. As a salesman he wrote it to help people, whatever their environment, to have great social skills. When reading it I thought it was both at the same time very calculating and realistic. Then I thought that what he wrote could also applied to blogging since in the end it is all about communicating. Hence the reason why I thought quoting him was better than any further explanation by me.
Like you explained me how you look for blogs, what make you read them AND finally how you attract new readers to your blog. I can say we are the same !
P.S : I have already read it and was looking for informations about cotton in other countries ;). Thank you for answering me !
I so agree with your point. ALTHOUGH, I have to confess that there was a time when I was thinking of shooting similar messages to fellow bloggers to reach more potential audience. But then I thought, "if I'm irritated with these messages, why would I want to make other people feel the same way?"
ReplyDeleteBut I still can tolerate the "check out the blog and follow if you like" messages rather than the amazingly *pardon* idiotic "follow me! I always follow back!" messages.
As far as flattering fellow bloggers go, I would say Les Giblin's theory is a perfect recipe. I myself tend to be more open toward someone who shows appreciation of my work first. Not saying that I'm an attention seeker, but it's just that I'm a human and that trait is part of human nature.
THANK YOU for a thought provoking post.
Nadya
eyeshadow illustrator
The Dilly Chic
Hi Nadya,
DeleteI think that we all thought or sent similar messages to fellow bloggers at the beginning. No one is perfect. That's good you asked yourself this question because if you don't like it why do it to other people.
For these messages I quite think the same as you but I do think that any blogger who does it, soon realize that it is not efficient.
Exactly my point here ! We all relate to something and to start a conversation if someone talks to you about something that is touching you obviously you will react, that's just common sense and Les Giblin just felt it and wrote what everybody knows but don't dare saying.
Thanks a lot for commenting !
See you !
This is so interesting! I do get these messages a lot and I do check out their blogs but I find that I'm a bit hesitant to follow them. I don't know, I just don't appreciate those sort of messages. I do, however, prefer those messages over the follow for follow messages - those ones I can't stand!
ReplyDeleteI do send messages to everyone who sends me a friend request telling them thank you for adding me as a friend (and they are all the same), but I don't think that counts as an annoying message... maybe it's just because I'm the one writing it.
That's such an interesting theory! It's SO true, however, because everyone likes being flattered.
Fabulous post! x
Hello Bohmy,
Deletenice to see you back on the blog :).
So you are just like Nadya regarding follow for follow messages and like I said to her I am sharing your point of you view. It's not like it is a meaningful way to bring readers to your blog AND creating a bond with fellow bloggers.
I did the same thing before but now I just do it if I really feel the blog I am seeing is interesting. At the same time I am not really into random friend requests because I also learnt this kind of thing doesn't help create a bond between bloggers. I would compare it to follow for follow but it is less annoying because in the end you don't read this sentence : "If you follow me I will follow you". Nonetheless it is the same.
I am glad you appreciated the post and thanks a lot for taking time to comment.
Such a damn good point.
ReplyDeleteMy parents taught me at a very early age that the best way to make a person your friend is to ask them about themself. It's a no-fail technique.
It's tough to think of your blog in terms of how it can help others, though, especially when it's so time consuming and personal. I guess it's finding the balance between pleasing others and pleasing yourself. Ideally, they're one and the same, but I don't think that they typically are.
(I would prefer not to post photos of myself, but noone would read if I didn't...)
Great post. Thought provoking.
-Gabrielle
Hello Gabrielle,
DeleteThanks a lot !
The same goes for me. My dad made it really obvious to me above all when I started working. He taught me that showing a sincere interest to other people always pays back.
I totally understand what you are saying because when I started blogging it was mostly for me. I gradually understood that if I wanted people to react I had to create something that is sharable.
I guess you and I are the same about posting photos of ourselves. I think that when bloggers show pictures of themselves they appear more accessible, real to people, and I think it is especially the case when you blog about fashion.
Thanks a lot for your comment ;).
Great post chica. I think everyone just loves to have some recognition that their hard work is appreciated :) I MUST remember that advice because it is SO true: People are interested in themselves, not in you.
ReplyDeleteDAMN!
xoxo
www.PardonMyFashion.com
Thanks a lot ! Really glad you appreciated it and that what I wrote has been helpful !
DeleteSee you,
Shug
Ever since I joined IFB, I've been getting a lot of those messages and it does bother me. There were even times when people have sent me the exact same message (just reworded) even after I've followed them. It was quite ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with everything you said, especially the part about checking out the person's blog before you ask them to check out yours. I think that it's a perfectly fair compromise and a wonderful idea.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this - it was really interesting to read!
- Juliana
http://cocoandpicasso.blogspot.ca
I felt the same way when receiving these messages : bothered. And that is the reason why I didn't send any of this kind to other bloggers. I also really don't understand those starting their mail with " I know you receive a lot of these messages but I would really appreciate if.." well if you know it why bother sending it then ??????
DeleteI think it's basic common sense to visit a blog before sending such messages to its owner. It shows you really have an interest in the person whom you are writing to and it really helps creating a bond. Obviously the bond will be created if you don't stop yourself at saying "hey I love your blog, it's amazing !"
Thank you for taking time commenting and finding my post interesting :D.
Great post. I have to say when I receive those emails it irritates me aswell. Sometimes I have a quick glance, and follow of the blog, but only if I actually like it. I wonder sometimes how much time do people spend creating all these emails, just to get numbers on their followers. But most of those followers will never come back to the site. So what's the point ?
ReplyDeleteI say find a few blogs you love. Comment on their posts if they interest you and this way you can create a dialogue commenting back and forth. I always make an effort to read the blogs of those who comment on my posts.
Thats all,
Love dani xx
www.huntinginheels.blogspot.com
Hello Dani,
DeleteThe commenting is the central part in blogging when trying to create a bond. I wouldn't send a random message to a blogger if I wasn't commenting before on the blog.
I do the same as you, I always go to see the blogs of those reading mine because I am curious but also because I can make new friends in this way :).
Thanks a lot for your comment !
I am SO GLAD this post made it to IFB's Links a la Mode. Hopefully some of the perps will read this and cease their spamming. I am now going to respond to them with this link!
ReplyDeleteThat book sounds interesting. Plan to check it out from the local library.
Hi Anne,
DeleteAhahaha I laughed a lot reading your comment. I should do the same but it would sound quite conceited so maybe I should just use the Les Giblin's quote I put in this post and hopefully they will understand :).
I really advise you reading it because it is the kind of book that opens you a world and helps you understand how we actually are with no frills. Have a nice reading !
See you,
Shug
Well, I live in Paris and I am still alive, so I can take a lot:P...but there is one thing on IFB that I just can't take: "Hi DOLL... kindly follow me and I will return the favor! Thank you DOLL!!!"
ReplyDelete